Menopause is different for every woman and my experience was nothing short of torturous. Despite never hearing much about it (my mother complained of hot flashes but nothing else) I had almost every symptom ever reported including:

​

hot flashes, cold flashes, insomnia, irritability, depression, completed lack of sex drive, vaginal dryness, painful intercourse, weight fluctuation, hair loss, night sweats, feeling lost and confused because I felt like I was becoming someone new and unknown, brain fog, difficulty remembering words, and more.

 

I came very close to divorcing my husband because I could not laugh with him anymore. I felt angry and on edge all the time. In fact my anger radiated out towards all men and without the desire to be sexual or even sensual I could plainly see the patriarchy in all its forms and wanted to burn our society to the ground.

​

So I reached out for help and found it in bio-identical hormone replacement therapy (bHRT). There are different forms and I started my journey with estrogen and progesterone creams. It took months for my hormone receptors to "wake up" and function and along the way many of my symptoms worsened. Especially the insomnia which exasperated everything else. Plus after more than a year with out a period I now had a monthly bleed again!

 

So I also turned to the "Red School" which is an organization offering a radical new approach to women's health, creativity, leadership and spiritual life rooted in the "bloody, wild, radical power" of the menstrual cycle.

​

For most of my life I hated having my menstrual cycle and the Red School opened my eyes to how harmful that belief is for our individual selves and for our society at large. Living with a monthly cycle encourages reflection, acknowledgement that there are times of activity along with times of quiet and that both are valuable. It was revolutionary for me.

​

In fact through this whole process I've learned more about my hormones, the monthly cycle of women, and how to love being a woman then I have from any other experience in my life. 

​

Gratefully  my symptoms have improved but I have other side effects from the creams so am going to try hormone pellets soon. Hopefully they don't have as many issues. Gratefully they don't lead to a monthly period. As much as I've learned about the monthly cycle I'm looking forward to not having a monthly bleed.

​

This painting is a celebration of the monthly cycle of women which is symbolized by the moon. The red cloth cascading down symbolizes a woman's monthly bleed. Finally, the blue hyacinth flowers symbolize deep caring, sincerity, and love. 

​

bHRT Books:

"Sex, Lies, and Menopause: The Shocking Truth About Synthetic Hormones and the Benefits of Natural Alternatives" by T. S. Wiley (Author), Julie Taguchi Bent Formby

​

"Age Healthier Live Happier: Avoiding Over-Medication through Natural Hormone Balance"by Dr. Gary Donovitz

​

"Testosterone Matters...MORE! The secret to healthy aging in women" by Dr. Gary Donovitz

​

"Wild Power: Discover the Magic of Your Menstrual Cycle and Awaken the Feminine Path to Power "and "Wise Power: Discover the Liberating Power of Menopause to Awaken Authority, Purpose and Belonging" both by Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer of Red School. 

​