Dear reader, as you may recall one of my last posts before I hibernated for 2 months was about how I felt at the beginning of my self portrait. It was titled "Facing My Face".
After that initial "high" of starting the project and enjoying seeing my personal history laid out in my face, things got rough. The more I looked at my face the less I saw what was and instead I saw what will be. Every crease, every shadow, every structure of my face seemed huge, out of proportion, and, well, saggy. It didn't take much to imagine what I will look like as I age.
If I'm being honest, I didn't like what I saw.
In fact, there were several days where I would storm into the house almost in tears complaining about my jowls, my forehead creases, the sun damage to my skin, etc.
But I persevered.
I went back into the studio day after day and studied my face. I did my best to see what was actually there right now and not what might be there some day.
Slowly, VERY slowly, I started to like what I was saw. And I started to appreciate all that my body does to serve my goals and desires.
Often I end up living in my head and completely forgetting that my head is connected to an amazing body that is perfectly designed to sense and experience this fascinating world. I began to wonder how could I ever not love it?!?
In fact, that appreciation led to my latest collaborative project, the "5 Senses Art Project". This long-term project asks that YOU along with all your friends fill out a short survey on what brings pleasure and joy to your own 5 senses. The results will be sorted by region and I'll create a painting based on the collective answers. Read more about it and fill out the survey on my webpage: https://www.mosstudiocr.com/5sensesartproject
Getting back to the portrait, you may recall that for my "Rattlesnake" portrait project I captured different expressions on each side of the face as a way of trying to portray the complex lives my models live. Well I attempted to do the same with my self-portrait but instead I think I only captured how I look when I am quietly observing and studying something. You could call it my "resting contemplative face" which makes sense because that was exactly what I was doing.
The one creative license I took was with my hair. Normally my hair is up and away from my face while I work but for the portrait I decided to show my hair on a good day – the day I leave the hair salon after a professional styles it. Do you think that is vain? Well if you answered yes then I agree with you. It is vain and perfectly human.
The best part though is that this act of vanity offered me a good lesson – I look my best when my hair (and the rest of me) is treated with love and respect so I plan on making more of an effort to take care of myself.
In the final analysis, I think my self-portrait does a good job of capturing not just what I saw in the mirror but also a little of who I was, who I am, and who I will become.
I call that a win.
And maybe I'll do it again in 5 years or so. 😊
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