Lately I've been operating like the hamster in the cartoon above, running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running.
It's exhausting.
Sure I get things accomplished but only to find a stack of new things that need to be addressed. It has been non stop.
And it finally caught up to my physically and mentally.
It all started last fall when I was preparing for my first solo show, "Rattlesnakes". At the time I thought the stress would dissipate after the opening receptions and I would recover. And it did get a little better but before long it was replaced with new stressors related to my responsibilities for the NM State Committee of Women in the Arts. Almost singlehandedly I was organizing and coordinating the first group exhibition the committee had ever managed.
Dear reader, I could tell you everything I was doing for that event but it would probably make me feel stressed again so I won't.
And then I became Co-Chair of the NM State Committee of Women in the Arts and immediately was thrown into long planning sessions for our annual board retreat. My Co-Chair and I have high goals for the organization which means spending a lot of time strategizing, planning, talking, and meeting.
Oh! And my heart and soul was urging me to GET BACK IN THE STUDIO but there just wasn't time.
Can you guess what broke first?
It was my ability to sleep soundly through the night.
Whereas I could fall asleep fast I would wake up 2-3 hours later thinking about everything I forgot to do and could not fall back asleep. So I'd get up and do those things which would take several hours and then fall back asleep for a little while before having to start my day.
My days became waking nightmares as I tried to do everything on less and less sleep.
I started to experience a new type of hunger - in the past when I got hungry I could say, "OK, I'll eat soon." But now, the hunger was DEMANDING and UNDENIABLE. I had to eat right then or my body would crash. In fact, I had to eat every 2-3 hours, even through the night.
This may sound strange but I got tired of eating.
And then my clothes stopped fitting.
The final straw was seeing some photos of myself from an event around March 1st. My face looked a lot like that hamster's face in the cartoon at the top of the page. I was smiling but I looked swollen.
Some people lose weight when they are stressed, I gain weight which in turn increases my stress.
A few weeks ago I met with the nutritionist I've been working with for the past few years and complained bitterly that I was still eating the way that had been so beneficial in the past but was gaining weight and felt miserable. Very gently but firmly she told me it was all related to stress.
Honestly it wasn't until right then that I saw how all the symptoms were connected.
So I decided to STOP the stress spiral!
Gratefully I had some sleeping pills so I took one a night for about a week to reset my sleep schedule. Then I reorganized my day so I could get back in the studio and make art because that is my absolute best option to reduce stress - it's like magic. When I'm painting the rest of the world's worries drop away. With my nutritionist's help I've changed how I eat (again) and am back to eating 3 meals a day - no snacks during the day or in the middle of the night. And I've started making time to sweat in an infrared sauna several times a week which I find relaxing and the sweat helps remove toxins from my body.
It's only been a couple of weeks but I am starting to feel better and today I almost feel like myself again.
So whereas the past 8 months or so have been really hard it has taught me an invaluable lesson:
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!!!
This song is my new anthem:
My sincere hope is that you also put yourself first and take care of your physical and mental health. The world we live in is stressful no matter who you are or where you live or what you do. But the good news is that we can find time every day to take care of our own needs. It may be 5 minutes or it may be an hour. Whatever it is, it will help.
Sending you a BIG HUG reader!
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