Last November I wrote a post titled "My My Demon of External Validation", you can read that here: https://www.mosstudiocr.com/post/my-demon-of-external-validation but the gist is that I struggle with wanting external validation. At the end of that post I talk about giving myself permission to stop feeding that demon and just enjoy life and creating art.
Since then my thinking has evolved a little due to a podcast I heard that asked "exactly how would your life be better if you got what you want?". They recommended that no matter how you answer that question you ask the question again, "Exactly how would that make your life better?" The interesting thing is that after you ask/answer that question enough times the root desire is usually that you want to feel a certain way.
For example let's use this line of questioning:
How would my life be better?
My life would be better if I sold more art to a wider audience.
How would that make my life better?
Well I would have more money and I'd know that more people like my art.
How would that make my life better?
I could stop worrying about spending money on art supplies and feel appreciated.
How would that make my life better?
It would free up my energy to create more.
How would that make my life better?
I could create art without worry and I would feel that my work is appreciated.
How would that make my life better?
I would feel more relaxed and seen/heard/understood.
How would that make my life better? I would feel loved and appreciated.
Something amazing happened when I got to the end of that exercise.
I realized I already feel loved and appreciated and my personal demon of external validation was suddenly quieter and less powerful.
That lesson was hit home yesterday when I went to a museum with a friend. Together we struck up a conversation with a staff member who spent some time explaining the exhibit to us. Soon the conversation turned more personal as we learned about each other. To my surprise, my friend introduced me as a great artist who paints powerful paintings full of symbolism.
I almost cried.
She loves and appreciates my artwork!
When I take a moment to think about other comments I've received as I've shown my work I realized similar things have been said by others too.
Indeed, my work is already loved and appreciated by others and I realized my personal demon of external validation was becoming even quieter and smaller.
Honestly, do I really need more validation from more people?
Would it matter if 1,000 or 10,000 or 100,000 people loved my art?
Hm...that's starting to sound like a different personal demon, one named "greed".
The podcast I mentioned earlier gave an example of Michael Jackson and how despite having millions of devoted fans around the world he still felt unloved. They argued that because he never learned to love himself he was unable to accept love from others.
When I apply these lessons to myself I realize that my real work is in loving myself, loving my artwork myself, acknowledging others already appreciate me and my artwork, and letting go of all the rest.
Will it be easy? Nope.
Will I get it right every day? Nope.
But I hope that overall I can learn to embody self-love and live in a mental state of gratitude regardless of how many people know of my art or how many paintings I sell.
Thank YOU for being part of my art life and please know I appreciate YOU!
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