Recently I experienced a nasty 10-day bout of insomnia caused by an inbalance in my bHRT which led to even nastier physical and mental breakdowns. Some days it was all I could do to get out of bed, talk, and/or do normal daily tasks.
At one point I went grocery shoping and when I came out I had no idea where I had parked the car.
I felt despair crash over me and my heart sank while my panic rose.
It was a big parking lot, how would I ever find the car?
Thankfully I was able to calm down and think back to what I saw when I parked and which entry to the store I used but it was all very fuzzy and jumbled. Eventually I narrowed down the most plausable area and used my fob to unlock the doors and flash the lights.
Whew.
Several days later, still in a fog, I decided to try an "End-of-Year Mindfulness Workshop" with Jenny C. Cohen. Years ago I met Jenny at a Theatrical Belly Dance Conference in New York City and was very impressed. Since then I've followed her on social media (Facebook, Instagram) and find her insights both inspirational and humerous.
I particularly like it when she shares a realization and credits it to The Universe.
Stuff like:
"Look at it like this, Jenny, the more challenging your life story has been so far, the bigger the goose bumps for future generations who retell it to their kids. Who will no doubt add… "And if Jenny C. Cohen was able to do all that, so can you!"
We've barely just begun,
The Universe
To be compeltely honest dear reader, I only made it about 10 minutes into her workshop before being unable to focus--stupid lack of sleep! But in those 10 minutes I learned enough cool stuff that I will eventually go back and complete the whole workshop.
One thing Jenny mentioned was a Netflix South Korean show she loved, "Castaway Diva". She played a song from the show that was all about following your dream aptly titled "Dream Us".
Anyone who knows me well knows I really respond to messages in songs. So much so that I have a curated Spotify playlist with uplifting lyrics and inspiring anthems that I listen to all the time in the studio.
Anyway, I started watching the show and really got into it. The story is about a young girl who was on the way to achieving her dream when, in order to escape from her abusive father, she jumps off a ferry and ends up stranded on a desert island for 15 years surviving on wild potatoes and seafood. Once she is eventually rescued she continues to persue her dream and overcomes a lot of obstacles along the way.
I mean, what's not to like? 😉
In one epsisode she recounts how 5 years into being on the island she got really depressed and jumped into the ocean to drown. As she floated down she looked up and saw a cooler floating above her. Curiousty won the day and she swam up to grab the cooler. Once safely on shore again she opened it and found one single packed of ramen noodles. After making a fire she cooked the ramen and for the first time in years had food from home.
The taste, the memories, the smell overwhelemed her and she was VERY HAPPY she had not succeed in killing herself.
Five minutes longer, without seeing that cooler, she would have been dead.
Going forward she lived "5 minutes at a time" remembering that you never know what the next 5 minues will bring.
Why am I telling you this dear reader?
Well that idea really resonated with me. And it helped me get through my bout of insomnia – 5 minutes at a time. It helped me to believe that something different could happen at any time.
And evetually my hormones came back into balance and the insomnia passed. YAY!!!!!!
I've now been able to sleep normally several nights in a row and finally feel like myself. I've even been able to get back in the studio and work. What a joy! After being so out of sorts that I couldn't think let alone concenrate long enough to paint I feel intense relieve and gratitude for being able to create.
Cheers to whatever comes in the next 5 minutes!
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